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Monday, 23 June 2014

My career story

Working at Deloitte in 2009, age 27 ( I look happy because it was my birthday that day!)

When I was an idealistic and daydreaming 16 year old I promised myself I would never settle for a dull career that didn’t excite me.  Sadly somewhere along the way I lost sight of this dream and got stuck in the safe and well paid corporate system. 

I worked for some amazing global organisations during my 20s and even had a great 2 years at an incredible charity, Teach First, which has probably been my favourite job so far.  But I've never felt truly emotionally connected to what I do each day or keen to make a long term commitment to any of my employers.  I haven't felt motivated to work hard and give the best of myself and this is something I feel bad about and genuinely want to change.

I’ve been half-heartedly looking for a way out ever since I started down this uninspiring path but have always felt trapped by the money and seduced by the supposed ‘status’ offered by this type of career.  I ‘needed’ the big pay cheque to fund my regular international holidays and meet my monthly credit card repayments.  Frustratingly my debt only continued to grow as I went on spending beyond my means to numb the feelings of boredom and unhappiness I felt at what I was doing day-to-day. 

After being stuck in a cycle of binge spending, eating, drinking etc for the last 8 years or so it’s high time I step off the treadmill and truly dedicate myself to working out what it is I want to do with my one precious life.  I know for sure my dreams don’t involve participating in the City rat race.  I’m positive I want to work with inspiring people on projects I feel passionate and excited about. 

But that’s about all I know for sure.  I really don’t have a clue what I actually want to do!

This feeling of “if not this – then what?” is what has kept me stuck for so long.  I’ve been spinning my wheels for years whilst giving off the appearance that I’m progressing in my career as I move up the ladder being promoted to increasingly senior roles.  Fear of the unknown has also stopped me from being brave, as has a lack of confidence in my abilities which has been with me since school.

In May of this year I finally snapped and decided I had to take action NOW.  For my own health I literally couldn’t allow myself to remain stuck and paralysed with fear and indecision for a second longer!  So I bravely quit my job without a clue what I was going to do next.  I had enough money in the bank to take the summer ‘off’ and get some much needed headspace away from the City to work things out. 

Today I’m nervous but excited about an interview I have for an 3 month internship which could potentially be life changing.  I have no idea if I will get the job or not, or where it will lead if I do, but I'm comfortable with not knowing and just going with the flow to see where it takes me. 

Fingers crossed, the only way is up from here! 

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