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Wednesday, 22 October 2014

Too good to be true



Today I went for a walk in the park near my home despite the fact that the sky was grey and it was threatening to rain. 


Usually this would not inspire me to want to leave the house, but today I really felt the need to get outside and just feel the cold and rain on my skin. It was late afternoon and I had been sat inside all day at my laptop, trying to figure out what on earth my next move will be after I leave Escape the City soon. This was making me feel a little crazy so I just grabbed my keys, put on my trainers, and dashed out the door to walk and clear my head.


While I was out wandering around the park, the weather suddenly turned. Huge gusts of wind started sweeping through the trees and it felt like a sign that the winds of change are about to blow through my life once again.


I have spent a wonderful summer working for Escape but sadly that time is now coming to an end. The role was always meant to be a temporary internship for 3 months and I have already celebrated my 3 month anniversary there a few weeks ago. I don't want to go but I know I have to. It's time once again for me to face my fears about "what next?".


A lot of my blog posts so far have been full of excitement and positivity about leaving my old job and joining the team at Escape, and I've loved sharing my happiness with everyone along the way. But lately I haven't felt like blogging as much and I'm fairly confident this is because I don't know what I'm going to do next and I'm scared. 


I want to tell positive stories on the blog! I want to share my successes! I want to show everyone it's possible to walk away from the corporate world and never look back!


But I don't think that's realistic and I may as well just be honest with you all about what I'm really experiencing as I try to transform my career and my life. What's the point of me putting myself out there if I'm only going to tell half the story? If I'm going to edit out all the really difficult, messy parts and only show you the 'best bits'. 


Just like our short wedding highlights video reel that shows all the most wonderful parts of our day and leaves out the things that went wrong. Like the the band forgetting their equipment and not being able to play, or the wedding car breaking down in rush hour London traffic while the rain poured down... 



Chris pushing our broken down wedding car to the side of the road! You can just see me on the right :) 

There are so many blogs out there, some of which I avidly follow, which make life look like one big party or like something from a magazine. Pictures of indulgent canapés that someone just whipped up for a dinner party. Tales of fashion shows and movie premieres they popped along to casually. Glamorous food bloggers who write about scoffing burgers and grilled cheese sandwiches yet somehow manage to look perfect in a bikini. Endless streams of new handbags, perfumes and clothes purchased from a seemingly limitless bank account. Hair that looks immaculate all the time. Always the perfect 'outfit of the day' for any occasion. Cute dogs, amazing holidays, happy families, beautifully styled Christmas and birthdays celebrations, good news... the perfect life!


It's enough to give anyone a serious case of F.O.M.O. Yet I devour all this like any other social media voyeur. I guess it's only natural to be fascinated by the lives of others, especially if those people are ostensibly living the dream. Some bloggers, like celebrities, have simply become aspirational brands promoting a lifestyle none of us will ever have due to the fact it's a total unrealistic fantasy. 


No one is happy all the time. Sadly nothing is ever perfect. Life is not picture-perfect beautiful every day. Shit happens and I want this blog to be an honest reflection of how I'm feeling, what I'm thinking and what my life is actually like, for real. I don't think it serves me or helps my readers if I curate the content to only reveal the really big exciting moments in my life. I endeavour to be honest and genuine by sharing as much as possible of my real self and my life as it really is. 


So, even though it can make me feel quite uncomfortable putting the un-edited 'me' out there for all to see, I'm going to try my level best to blog more regularly about my true feelings as I stand at this crossroads in my life trying to decide which path to take. 


I was pondering all of this on my walk in the park. I didn't have a coat or umbrella so I was getting soaked from the rain, and it was suddenly getting really cold, but I didn't care. It was so refreshing to feel exposed to the elements. It seemed to nicely suit my mood of opening myself up to the truth of my situation - that it's time to face the future once again and make some decisions. 


While I was looking out over the lake in the park, a beautiful double rainbow appeared in front of me. I love rainbows (who doesn't?) and seeing it gave me an instant boost. 


It felt like another sign, but this time the message was that everything is going to be ok.


2 comments

  1. Thank you Celia. It is refreshing to have a truthful account and a blog which I can whole heartedly relate to. I also went for a walk in the near gail force winds yesterday and came back refreshed. It helps to blow off the cobwebs. Thanks for your post and keep it up. I am going through a similar transition and find it useful to follow your journey. I haven't quite had the courage to publish my own just now. It definitely will be ok - if you don't believe that then what is the point ay. Good to be reminded every once in a while though. You are clearly driven so there is no way it will be anything other than ok.

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    1. Thank you so much for your wonderful comment! It makes me so happy to thing that you and others relate to what I write about and that you enjoy reading my stories. I agree with you that it takes A LOT of courage to click 'publish' on that first blog post but you just need to be brave and think to yourself "what's the worst that could happen"? That is starting to become my personal mantra and I find it really helpful when I'm getting really stressed out about making a decision. Good luck and hope to see you back here on the blog soon :) x

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