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Friday, 25 July 2014

Everything is illuminated


I have just finished my first fortnight in my new job at Escape the City and I can't begin to express how amazing it is already.  I can literally FEEL myself changing inside.  It's so incredible how things can truly start to shift and transform when you set your mind to something and actually commit to taking real action towards achieving your dreams. 

Someone I admire once told me "Celia, to change you have to actually change".  

Now this may sound beyond obvious but I don't think I had ever appreciated this fully. Recently I finally accepted that to really change my life and become the person I have always wanted to be I would need to genuinely change my actions, behaviour, habits, thoughts, environment, social circle, mindset... EVERYTHING!  

All these years I have been so badly wanting to be different in lots of ways (thinner, prettier, more interesting, more intelligent, happier, passionate about my job etc etc) but I was never really willing to put the work in to change myself on a deep level.  

Sure, I made superficial changes like moving jobs a few times (ok, lots of times!), hiring a personal trainer, reading positive psychology books and so on.  But I never really committed to actually transforming myself and my world to move closer to my ideal life and the self I truly believed I could and wanted to be.

Last year when I was getting ready for our wedding I did start to make some important behaviour changes and I had a fair bit of success with these.  I lost two stone by changing my diet and exercising more; I left a job that was draining my happiness and zest for life and took a new role which was more challenging and interesting; I felt inspired and so energised preparing to marry the love of my life... and all of this felt really good.  

However, the problem with these changes was they were all focussed on one particular event in my life, on one particular day. Frustratingly I found that when our wedding day had passed I lost my motivation to keep going with these changes and keep working towards my goals.  I let my healthy habits fall by the wayside and I spent a while just drifting along without any goals or targets, feeling a bit lost without anything particular to work towards or inspire me.

That was how I ended up lost and stuck in my last job drifting further away from things that made me happy and forgetting how important it is to keep moving towards something positive and meaningful for me.  Thank god I woke up and smelled the coffee and got out of that rut and into the exciting phase of transition in which I now find myself.

In my first two weeks at Escape the City I have already done so many new things, worked with all kinds of new people and been exposed to lots of new ideas. Working in a totally new environment is a bit of a shock to the system and I have spent virtually the entire time 100% outside of my comfort zone.  

I know, I know... that's what I said I wanted!  But my god it is so different talking about something versus actually experiencing or doing it!  I have felt uncomfortable, challenged, stupid, unsure of myself, out of place and just plain confused many times each day in my new role.  But it is SO exciting to have these feelings!  

I have spent much of my career so far feeling a little numb inside - unchallenged, not afraid of anything, not really caring, not bothered about how I came across.  That is such a shame but I guess that was my intuition trying to send me a message loud and clear that I was doing totally the wrong thing for me.

When I finally quit my last job I had reached a point where I couldn't go on another day pretending to care about what I was doing when I so deeply DID NOT CARE.  I can't overstate how brilliant it feels now to feel like I actually care about my work, my colleagues, our community, our mission, our ethos.

It's a whole new world for me and I am totally loving it so far.  I've no idea where all of this is going to take me but I am SO excited to find out.  

More posts about my awesome internship at Escape the City coming soon...!


  1. This is an amazing piece of writing. Right now, I am too tired to even begin to articulate what I want to say, so will come back at the weekend, when I have had a chance to relax, but I do want to say a massive WELL DONE - you have taken such a huge step and as you can already see, it is beginning to pay off. Really happy for you. Lots of love, Emma xxx

    1. Hi Emma! Thanks so much for your encouraging words. Hope you aren't too exhausted with wedding season in full swing :) I'm excited to see your new LBD collection! x